In a relationship, some experts say it's not about what you fight about or how much you fight. It's really about the way you fight. Do you call each other names you wouldn't call your mother? Do you bring up past mistakes that each of you made? Do you berate each other and say ugly things that you can't take back? If so, you're fighting with someone you say you love in a divisive, hurtful way. And after a while, it's going to something that contributes to the demise of your relationship.

Here's what you should do instead: 1. Take a deep breath. When you find yourself faced with a problem or disagreement with your mate, stop and count to 100 before you even address it. This will help you to calm down and approach the issue from a logical, instead of emotional, perspective. 2. Tell your mate that even though you know there is disagreement, you are committed to treating him/her with love and respect.

Say, "I know we disagree about this, but I want you to know that I love you and I'm committed to loving and respecting you." This will put your partner at ease and reduce the chances that you'll have a highly-charged argument. It will also show your partner that you care, even though you don't see the issue the same way.

Hold each other's hands. As you begin to talk about your issue or hash out your disagreement, grab your mate's hand throughout. This is a loving, supportive sign that will bring you both closer together and allow you to talk to each other in a productive, caring way. -- Tasha Cunningham, tasha@loveawake.com